"For the sake of our marriages we must see ourselves in the shoes of the 10,000-talent debtor. The appreciation of a massive debt forgiven (our sin against a holy God) forms the basis and starting point for our forgiveness of one another's much smaller (by comparison) offenses. Without understanding the depth of our sin against God and the riches of his forgiveness toward us, we will never be able to forgive others" (p104).
When is the last time you specifically confessed sin to your spouse and humbly sought forgiveness? When is the last time you granted full forgiveness to your repentant spouse?
But what if our spouse never admits their sin? How do I address sin in my spouse?
We must rebuke sin in our spouse like a careful surgeon: with wisdom, courage and meekness (p121).
Wisdom - Proverbs 2:1-6, treasure my commands within you, so that you incline your ear to wisdom, and apply your heart to understanding; Yes, if you cry out for discernment, and lift up your voice for understanding, if you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom.
Courage - II Corinthians 7:8-10, For even if I made you sorry with my letter, I do not regret it; though I did regret it. For I perceive that the same epistle made you sorry, though only for a while. Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.
Meekness - Proverbs 15:1, a soft answer turns away wrath. Proverbs 15:4, a gentle tongue is a tree of life.
"Our temptation is to believe that the way to a good Christian marriage is right teaching, right action, working harder, repenting more, and feeling different. Sure these are crucial, but they are not GRACE" (p138).
Titus 2:11-14, For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works.
Grace is the Spirit-power to renounce sin AND to grow in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (p142). Not only do we need to grow in grace personally, we also need to preach grace to our spouse. When our spouse is discouraged, when our spouse is battling temptation, we must strengthen them with grace, remind them of the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ!
That same gospel is also good news for sex. The gospel of Jesus Christ transforms our view of sex from selfishness, bitterness, and laziness to focus on getting our delight by being a delight (p160).
Finally, the gospel of grace prepares us to endure the sickness and death of a spouse.
"Every marriage has its final moment. Usually death visits one spouse, grief the other. If the gospel has been treasured within the marriage, both spouses will be prepared" (p176).
I Thessalonians 4:13, I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope.
"When we gaze upon the cross, we begin to see the early light of a glorious day. Your marriage now, my marriage now, prepares us for that day. Marriage exists to point us and others to that day. What day is that? It's the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. Our marriages here are an imperfect picture of what we are looking forward to enjoying in eternal relationship with our Savior" (p183).
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